Room for Two More

Enter Simon

In the wee small hours of August 27, 2016, Wifey and I headed north for Santa Rosa. Seventeen hours later, we returned home with a tiny orange furball, whom we named Simon.

Simon is a Maine coon, and as you can see here, he’s got something extra: opposable thumbs. Well, to be scrupulously accurate, they’re partially opposable. He in fact has seven digits on each front paw, and his thumb can’t reach them all.

As was our dear Adam, Simon is fully in touch with his inner lion.

But he’s an awfully sweet lion.

Enter Chase

On May 7, 2017, Wifey and I headed upstate once again, this time to wine-country Paso Robles to fetch our new puppy, whom we named Chase.

Chase is an Australian shepherd, and he immediately began trying to herd us, our guests, the other dogs, the cats, and all the wild creatures in the back yard. In retrospect, we probably should have named him Behave.

The Boys Today

Simon was closing in on his first birthday when Chase made the scene, but a male Maine coon is in practical terms still a kitten at that age, so it’s accurate to say that the two boys have grown up together.

And both have grown well. Just as with Adam, Simon’s personality blossomed after his second birthday. He has become quite interactive and affectionate. Benny has undoubtedly served as a positive role model in this regard.

Also, since my surgery Simon has become very talkative. Several times a day, he’ll burst into the room and start monologizing energetically in his expressive, trilling voice.

I haven’t quite learned his vocabulary yet, but I get the impression that he’s telling me what he’s been doing since he saw me last.

"There's like a million squirrels in the back yard! Oh, and I ate a bug and a Milk-Bone."

And when I start a conversation, he will answer me. I especially love that.

"I'm fine, pal. How are you?"

Chase’s personality, on the other hand, was already in full bloom when we first met him. He is energetic, affectionate, highly interactive, and startlingly intelligent.

Everybody who knows Chase loves him. That includes all the other pets, especially Sally and Rosalie.

He and Sally love to romp and tussle together.

Rosalie will groom him just as Evangeline used to groom Travis.

Chase is a strong alpha. He considers me to be the pack leader, with himself second in command. We know this because I am the only one he consistently obeys, and the only one he does not try to herd.

Of course, Peter begs to differ regarding this pecking order, because he too is a strong alpha. But he and Chase worked this out pretty quickly, because Peter is more than twice Chase’s size, and as I said Chase is very smart. While Chase is fearless, and nearly as strong as Peter, Chase is also no fool. Besides, Peter loves Chase, and Chase loves his pack.

And Chase loves no one as much as he loves Wifey. He may not obey her much, and he may try to herd her, and he certainly loves me. Still, he is absolutely devoted to Wifey, and is with her constantly, unless he is off on some caper.

Chase is a thoroughly sweet guy, and is rarely in anything but a very sunny mood. This is true of Simon as well.


Partners in Crime

Simon and Chase have something else in common: they are both juvenile delinquents. Actually, I’ll go beyond that to say that they are kindred spirits, and fast friends.

They even play together.

But mostly, they are juvenile delinquents.

It’s not that they are bad seeds or anything like that. There’s not a molecule of malice in either of them. Let’s just say that they like to stir the pot.

Simon, King of The Jungle, likes to monitor his domain from on high.

As a result, there is quite literally no horizontal surface anywhere in the house that he can’t get to, no matter how inaccessible it may seem.

"Nobody here but us audio-animatronic stuffed animals."

And if there’s no room for him, then he makes room.

"You'll find your Simple Green on the floor behind the dryer."

This is where Chase enters the picture. He is a firm believer in the old aphorism: “If it’s on the ground, it belongs to the hound.” Yes, I know he’s not a hound, but don’t tell him that. He’s definitely in touch with his inner Travis. Anything that Simon knocks down, Chase claims as his by natural right.

When this behavior first appeared, the typical scenario was as follows: Wifey and I are in the den, relaxing and watching TV after dinner. A quorum of the pack is in the room with us. Chase trots in, his head held high, with something in his mouth. That something is some cherished keepsake of Wifey’s.

Wifey sees this. She jumps up and starts chasing Chase throughout the house, saying “Chase! Drop it now!” in a stern voice. Chase thinks this is great sport, and fails to comply. Eventually, Wifey gives up, and makes the proffer of a treat. Chase drops the cherished contraband to take the treat. Wifey recovers the contraband.

This was obviously something that we had to put a stop to, so Wifey and I formulated a plan. First, I became the one who would engage Chase when he brought something in, because me he will obey; I would follow him through the house, closing doors as I went, until he was cornered and had to relinquish the item. Then, I would praise him, pet him, and walk away. No punishment, and no treat.

Second, Wifey did what she could to Simon-proof the house, moving all her tchotchkes, gewgaws and other assorted knick-knacks to safety behind closed doors.

Sounds like a good, sensible plan, doesn’t it? Well, sure it was. And it worked perfectly—for a few weeks. Then, one evening Chase came into the den carrying one of Wifey’s best athletic shoes, and just stood there in front of her. When she reached to take it out of his mouth, Chase backed up just out of her reach. When she then got up to get closer to him, Chase turned around and trotted to the kitchen. When we got there, we found him standing in front of the treat jar on the counter.

I looked at Wifey and said to her, “You truly are a gifted dog trainer. You’ve actually taught him the fundamentals of a barter economy!” Chase had learned that items Wifey values could be traded for items he values. When his initial source dried up, he simply found another. I told you he’s smart!

And just in case you don’t think Simon was in on this, wait until you hear about their latest caper, which happened just last week.

Wifey was preparing dinner, and had left some asparagus spears draining in a colander over the sink while she fried up some salmon filets (I’m on a strict diet right now). She looked down, and saw Chase munching on an asparagus spear; she figured she must have dropped one inadvertently.

A minute or so later, she turned to retrieve the asparagus from the sink, and saw Simon standing over the colander. He grabbed an asparagus spear and tossed it to Chase, who was waiting below.

I told you Simon has partially-opposable thumbs!

* * *

Road trip!